HOUSTON – Emotional and introspective while standing at his locker Wednesday afternoon, Texans veteran linebacker Azeez Al-Shaair opened a curtain into his feelings about his NFL punishment and detailed how conversations with the league officials that suspended him provided clarity and some closure for him after a controversial episode that made him question whether he would play football again.
Al-Shaair, back from a three-game suspension he served after losing an appeal stemming from his concussion-causing hit on sliding Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Trevor Lawrence, acknowledged how down he was for several days as he outlined his state of mind during his isolation from the AFC South champions that was imposed by the league.
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“The things that you can think when somebody says they’re in a dark place, as dark as you can go is where I was truthfully,” Al-Shaair said in his first interview since his suspension. “It was a crazy time. It was hard for me to see myself playing football again.”
For roughly five days, Al-Shaair said he sat in a room by himself with no activity in the wake of his suspension. It was during that time after his appeal was denied that he posted a photograph of the Joker character portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix in the movies with a caption saying he would embrace being a “villain.”
“It’s like a blur,” Al-Shaair said. “I didn’t eat nothing. I didn’t go anywhere.”
#Texans Azeez Al-Shaair said suspension put him 'in a dark place' provides context about 'transparent conversation' and 'clarity' gained by meeting with Jon Runyan, Roger Goodell and Troy Vincent, reiterated he didn't mean to hurt Trevor Lawrence @KPRC2 pic.twitter.com/zSKbMPDGyZ
— Aaron Wilson (@AaronWilson_NFL) January 1, 2025
The inflammatory language in a disciplinary letter from league executive Jon Runyan, who had a well-earned reputation as a dirty player during his days as a Philadelphia Eagles offensive lineman, enraged Al-Shaair, coaches and teammates who have steadfastly defended his character and integrity.
In the NFL disciplinary letter from Runyan to Al-Shaair explaining the suspension, he cited repeated violations of the rules intended to protect the health and safety of players and promote sportsmanship. Al-Shaair appealed his suspension, but it was upheld by appeals officer and former Pittsburgh Steelers offensive lineman Ramon Foster.
The suspension cost him $112,745 per week, including $83,333 per week in salary, plus $29,411.76 in per game active roster bonuses.
“During your game against the Jacksonville Jaguars on December 1, with 4:20 remaining in the second quarter, you were involved in a play that the League considers unacceptable and a serious violation of the playing rules,” Runyan wrote. “Video shows you striking the head/neck area of Jaguars’ quarterback Trevor Lawrence after he clearly goes down in a feet-first slide...You led with your forearm and helmet and delivered a forceful blow to the head/neck area of your opponent when you had time and space to avoid such contact.”
“After the illegal hit, you proceeded to engage in a brawl, which you escalated when you pulled an opponent down to the ground by his facemask. After the referee announced that you were disqualified for the hit and your unsportsmanlike acts, you removed your helmet and reengaged with your opponent while walking down and across the field, which started another physical confrontation near the end zone. Your lack of sportsmanship and respect for the game of football and all those who play, coach, and enjoy watching it, is troubling and does not reflect the core values of the NFL. Your continued disregard for NFL playing rules puts the health and safety of both you and your opponents in jeopardy and will not be tolerated.”
That’s what angered Al-Shaair and ultimately motivated him to travel to New York to meet with Runyan, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and vice president of operations Troy Vincent.
Initially, Al-Shaair was reluctant to speak to the league officials that meted out his punishment and, in his view, judged him unfairly.
“I really had a moment of, there’s no way I can go out and play football again if this is how people that I work with view me,” Al-Shaair said. “If me going up there was about me trying to prove that I’m a good person or me trying to prove that, you know, I’m not a dirty player. I feel like I had no reason to go up there because I know who I am and they know who I am. If you’ve actually watched the tap, six years worth of my work, it just didn’t make sense. If I want to move forward and continue my career, I need to have this conversation. And it was a real transparent conversation. I think, getting that clarity from them like, ‘Hey, like, we don’t see you as this player, this isn’t the person that you are’ that cleared the air.
“Somebody told me the analytics was Trevor Lawrence, that was his first slide all season long, which is crazy. Hey, by rule, I hit him in the head and that’s a penalty. I can take that. Ejection, fine with that. Suspension, whether I like it or not, that’s fine. They have the right to do all those things, per the rules, which is what they explained to me. And I can respect that. It was just things that were said that didn’t match my career, things about being warned multiple times that weren’t true.”
During the meeting, Al-Shaair said Runyan clarified that the letter was referencing the hit on Lawrence and the pair of altercations that ensued. Al-Shaair got into it with Jaguars offensive lineman Brandon Scherff while teammate Will Anderson Jr. was escorting him off the field. A fan threw a water bottle at Al-Shaair and hit Anderson in his helmet. That followed Jaguars tight end Evan Engram retaliating by knocking Al-Shaair down while Lawrence was lying on the ground in a “fencing” posture as he clenched his hand in a movement that signifies brain trauma.
“But the way he typed it, he said got obviously taken out of context,” Al-Shaair said. “I clearly made a mistake. The reason why he typed something which ended up being taken out of context as a mistake is because I did something that was obviously not right, me taking my helmet off and me starting another brawl wasn’t right. But everything prior to that I stand on the fact that I never tried to hurt him.”
It’s the final paragraph that enraged the Texans and Al-Shaair.
“When you put information and make a statement in a letter with not having talked, ever talked to a player, not knowing the player, and then to basically paint a picture ‘Your lack of sportsmanship and respect for the game of football and all those who play, coach, and enjoy watching is troubling and does not reflect the core values of the NFL,’” Texans general manager Nick Caserio said at the time of the suspension. “So, that essentially implies that Azeez doesn’t give a crap about the fans, doesn’t give a crap about playing football the right way, is not coachable. It couldn’t be further from the truth.”
Just as Al-Shaair felt judged by Runyan, he brought up the oft-replayed video of the retired offensive lineman leaping through the air to head-butt an opponent.
“I saw a play of Jon Runyan head-butting a guy through the sky,” Al-Shaair said. “That was the first play I’ve seen and I can make any assumption I want, but I don’t know him as a person. I’ve never talked to him. So, if I went and said something about him on Twitter the same way he said something about me without ever talking to me or meeting me, I would be no better. This is something we talked about in the conversation and it was, ‘I respect you.’ And I got a lot of respect for him. He had a lot of respect for me. I appreciated that transparency.”
Al-Shair acknowledged that he was wrong when he punched Chicago Bears running back Roschon Johnson earlier this season after he was surrounded on the Bears sideline following a big hit from the linebacker on rookie quarterback Caleb Williams that was unflagged and legal, but close to the sideline.
“One of the comments was, you know, ‘99.3% of the time I play the game the right way,” Al-Shaair said. “I’ll take a 99% track record. At the same time, they’re trying to keep the game safe. And I respect that. So. Plays like what happened, you know, 100% you try to avoid. I just think it’s a learning moment for me.”
Beyond the support of the McNair family, coach DeMeco Ryans, his teammates and others, Al-Shaair said he found comfort in visiting children from a foster care organization in Nashville, Tenn. They reached out to him with messages encouraging him. He decided to fly to Nashville to attend a charity event with the foster care group he attended last year when he was playing for the Tennessee Titans.
“I got so many different messages like that and I remember just sitting in my bed and I was like: ‘Man, like I can just keep sitting here sad and sulking and just feeling like I’m being misjudged or I can just do what I always do, which is just try to be positive and spread positivity, do the best that I can,’” Al-Shaair said. “I had so many people saying so many negative things and to see people that were happy to see me and were happy about my presence I think that’s what kind of like snapped me back.
“Like regardless of what’s being said, you know who you are and just lean into that and from there just crawling myself out of this place. I just think that it definitely helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
'I was in a crazy place' #Texans Azeez Al-Shaair on his emotions during suspension and support he received @KPRC2 pic.twitter.com/ukJodqLett
— Aaron Wilson (@AaronWilson_NFL) January 1, 2025
Sunday’s road game against the Titans marks Al-Shaair’s return to play for the first time since the suspension.
Al-Shaair is a talented linebacker and emotional team leader who signed a three-year, $34 million free agent deal this offseason to reunite with Ryans, his position coach and defensive coordinator with the San Francisco 49ers. Al-Shaair has recorded 68 tackles, seven for losses and two forced fumbles in just 10 games played.
“Want to see Azeez just get back out there and play football,” Ryans said. “It has been three weeks since he’s been able to get out there and play, so it’s just a matter of getting back out, hitting guys, getting used to hitting the ground again, getting up. It takes reps and real live reps when you miss this much, the time that he’s missed. You have to get that real live action. And that’s what he needs.
“Getting back to it, he’s excited to get back out there and play for us and we’re excited to have him back. We’ve really missed his leadership, missed his communication, not only on the defensive side, but for our entire team. So, I’m fired up to have him back for us. I think Azeez, he’s handled himself really well throughout this entire suspension and that’s just him, just a matter of, from my perspective, of making sure that he talks to the powers that be in the NFL, so they can really, truly understand who he is as a man.”
#Texans Azeez Al-Shaair said he hasn't spoken to #Jaguars Trevor Lawrence and he reiterated he apologized and is moving forward and wishes him well @KPRC2 pic.twitter.com/SAi4ELHmbj
— Aaron Wilson (@AaronWilson_NFL) January 1, 2025
Al-Shaair said he hasn’t spoken to Lawrence, who is on injured reserve for an unrelated shoulder injury that required surgery, not the concussion.
“I said what I said the first time with the apology,” he said. “What I did was literally just playing football. I respect that he’s a grown man and he has his own feelings. I’m not going to beg nobody to forgive me for something that I clearly didn’t do on purpose.”
Going forward, Al-Shaair said he was assured by the league that he’ll be treated normally and not be under some type of zero-tolerance policy.
“Just making sure we’re all on the same page,” Al-Shaair said. “One thing you can talk about is punching Roschon Johnson in the face, which was 1,000 percent wrong. Other than that, it’s been nothing. You’re playing a violent game. You’re playing fast. Things happen. They told me, ‘Hey, this is behind you. This is not something that we’re just going to pile on top of everything else.’ And I can respect that. I just kind of moved on and this will be the first and last time I’m going to talk about this.”
The deeply religious former Florida Atlantic standout previously wrote: ‘There is beauty in being rejected. Misunderstood. Unseen and unprotected by people. It teaches you to rely on Allah for everything.”
Aaron Wilson is a Texans and NFL reporter for KPRC 2 and click2houston.com
