HOUSTON – Did you know that about one in four women and nearly one in 10 men have experienced sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime?
According to the Fort Bend Women’s Center, over 43 million women and 38 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner.
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Abusive relationships weigh heavily on the victims and take a toll on their family and friends. Some people risk their lives to help their loved ones out of domestic violence-related situations.
That’s in stark relief since the case in early September 2023, when Harris County sheriff’s deputies reported that a woman -- identified as 26-year-old Shantavia Reddick -- tried to help her friend leave an alleged abusive relationship and was fatally shot in north Harris County. Reddick was an educator and was said to have worked at Smith Elementary School since 2020. Her shooter, who deputies identified as Dimitri Humphrey, is still on the run.
Kellen McManus, the manager of Hotline and Intake Services at the Fort Bend Women’s Center, said Reddick’s death was very troubling.
‘Her life was tragically cut short’
“It is an extremely tragic story and one that’s always heartbreaking to see, especially someone who is trying to help in a situation that many people won’t get involved in,” McManus said. “This woman did really reach out and try to assist her friend, and then her life was tragically cut short because of that. It’s just so awful to see.”
McManus said the center’s crisis hotline receives many calls from people who try to help their loved ones get out of an abusive relationship.
“We do receive many calls from friends and family of where their loved ones are in these situations and they have reached a point where they have tried everything themselves to help either convince their loved ones to leave or tried to help them get out of the situation and so they reach out to us to see what other resources we can offer,” McManus said. “Unfortunately in this situation, the person who was in the relationship is the expert of their experience and are not always either able or ready to leave the situation, and so one thing that we always do ask is that if they can pass our information on to their loved ones so that we can speak to them directly.”
Safety planning
From there, the center does safety planning to ensure the victim and people helping receive the resources they need without alerting the abuser.
McManus said that something to keep in mind is that the abuse doesn’t have to be physical for a situation to be considered high-risk. Controlling, jealous and coercive behaviors can often lead to intimate partner violence where deaths can occur.
“If somebody is in an abusive relationship, or even if they aren’t sure if they’re in an abusive relationship, speaking to a domestic violence advocate can really help them get clarity on the situation and provide that safe space where they can explore their options, and by options, that is if they are not ready to leave their situation or feel like they cannot, then something that we could offer is some counseling assistance and things like that,” McManus said.
If the abuser controls all of the finances, McManus said one of the things the center does is provide resume assistance for victims to be able to find jobs in hopes of making their own money to support themselves. The center also provides support groups so that victims can see they’re not alone. The support groups are open to people who are still in their abusive relationships and those who are trying to get out. Even if someone is not ready to leave, McManus said the hotline still offers emotional support. If the victim is ready to leave the relationship, hotline advocates are trained to help people consider all aspects of what leaving looks like.
“Preparations to make before they leave, things to consider during the actual physical leaving of the relationship and precautions to put in place when they have left,” McManus listed. “Safety planning consideration sounds like common sense but when someone’s in the middle of such a stressful situation, that kind of permeates their entire being. It’s really important to have these kinds of safety plannings discussed so that they are on the forefront when something becomes potentially dangerous.”
Red flags
When it comes to abuse, some red flags to look for include:
- Isolation
- Jealousy in a partner’s behavior
- Changes in the victim’s personality (sadness, depression, anger, etc.)
- Seeing bruises, cuts, etc. on the victim’s body
- Seeing a loss of confidence in the victim
- Victim abruptly cancels plans
Where would I go?
McManus said it is not always a safe option to stay with a friend or family member if the abuser knows where those people live because they could go looking for the victim in those places.
“There are several domestic violence agencies in the Houston area as well as all over Texas that have secure and confidential shelters,” McManus said.
And while a shelter may not be the most ideal place for some, McManus said they could bring hope and help families start over and heal.
The center also provides emergency shelter for those who need it.
“In addition to a place to sleep, we provide meals, basic medical care, childcare and a range of support services to help you heal from your abuse and begin to rebuild your life. Our shelter is in a private, secure location,” the center’s website said.
‘You don’t have to do this alone’
While McManus acknowledged the bravery and sacrifice of those who aid their loved ones who are being abused, she did urge caution.
“First of all, I want to say thank you for standing by them in these situations because an abuser can often try to isolate and divide their partner from their loved ones, so I think it’s really amazing and commendable when a loved one is able to stand by them,” McManus said. “But also, I just want to say that there are resources like the Fort Bend Women’s Center and other domestic violence agencies that you don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to help them alone. We are here to help provide any assistance we can.”
Sexual assault victims
If you have been sexually assaulted and are looking for support, the center said they can ask an advocate to meet you at the hospital and stay with you while you’re examined.
“Our specially trained advocates will help you make sense of what’s happening and support you as you make decisions about what you want to do next, including potentially coming to our shelter or using some of our other services,” the center’s website said.
If you or someone you love is being abused by a partner, you can call the 24-hour Fort Bend Women’s Center hotline at 281-342-4357. If someone is in immediate danger, they are urged to call 911. Those seeking additional resources can email info@fbwc.org. Those who don’t feel safe calling the center can also communicate with an advocate through a live chat.
KPRC 2 released the following features in “Breaking Free.”